She lives across the country, but we still keep in touch & i love her.
Like i have said many times before, i saw it coming. This separation was of no shock to me whatsoever. However, i didn’t expect it to hit me like a bus when it ACTUALLY happened. I was so upset about it. And so angry. I couldn’t understand how my parents, of all parents, could split. It affected my schoolwork, my friends, and my relationship at the time. The easiest way to explain it is that if my parent’s marriage couldn’t survive, how could mine? And if that was so, what was the point of being with that person at all. So i selfishly ended a one-year relationship. Having no one but myself to blame for it.
This has made me see the lack of meaning in marriage.
I met this young man when i was five, and saw him again when i was about ten, and i don’t know what it was about him, but i felt the most deep connection with him. More than anyone i have ever met. I remember the days we spent together, even now. I don’t know why, and never truly expect to, but he had a pretty significant impact on my life. Enough that i have never forgotten him. He emailed me many years later and told me the story of how we first met.
“I saw one little eye and some black black hair scoping out the scene. I caught your eye and it all disappeared behind the wall to the den. I had a little chuckle inside. You were like a little ninja.”
“I got up to go take a look at the backyard, and before I could make it to the patio door, I had this beautiful little girl wrapped around my leg. You were holding on so tight I could hardly believe what happened. I looked down at you and you were staring at me with these big big big brown eyes and you said “Please don’t go”. In that one moment I felt all of your anguish, all of your hate at the world, all of your troubles, and I took them into me like a sponge. Both your mom and your dad were looking at me in shock. They couldn’t believe it. From then on, for the next two weeks, we were best friends”
“It is one of the strangest, yet one of the fondest memories I have. Within 10 minutes, I captured the heart of one of life’s greatest enigmas: A little girl that carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. A little girl whose eyes looked like they had seen a hundred lifetimes of sorrow. “
Like i said. The first person, ever to have ever completely understood me. I don’t know what it was about him.. But he stuck around in my memory for a long time.
“ Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing. ”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Finding out that Santa Claus wasn’t real.
This may sound silly/stupid, but that whole facade was important to me. This was the first time in my life that i got a little dose of reality, my imagination started shutting down, and life just wasn’t as magical as i had made it out to be.
Me, 4 years ago.
I was not a pretty kid. I was a huge loner and hung around the wrong people when i was younger. Not knowing that my “friends” weren’t really my friends. Sometime in grade eight, a rumor that i was a lesbian started circling around. After a very short period of time, i started loosing friends, and everyone treated me differently. People stopped feeling comfortable around me and i was deemed “Most unattractive” and “Least likely to ever have a boyfriend” by an online poll that my friends started as a joke. Of course this lesbian rumor was untrue, but there was no way for me to prove them wrong.
This event was pretty damaging to my self-esteem and i have never felt truly beautiful ever since. A feeling i think most people, girls especially, should feel at least once. On a more positive note, since then i have realized how insecure and just plain mean these girls are and have not spoken to them for a few years.